Thursday, September 25, 2008

The dreaded doctor's visit... tomorrow.

My doctor is wonderful but I still dread going. After the whole blood clot emergency hospital visit of 2003 I've feared going in when something hurts. I was only able to go to the emergency room in 2003 because my Bosswoman talked me into it and then talked to me while I walked across the street to the hospital (our apartment at the time was across the street from the hospital). That trip got me an immediate hospital stay for 4 days and an angiogram. And I got snarked at by the nurse who was checking me in because I did not have a general practitioner. I also got on the patient list of 2 specialists, got put on blood thinners and had to get my blood tested once a month for the next three years.

So when I need to go see my doctor for a problem, I worry that something bad will happen and I'll get bad news. I don't know what news I'll get tomorrow. I don't want to have to go see a specialist for my back. It feels fairly good now but long walks and any running makes it ache and that isn't normal. I have 16 more days until the Chicago marathon and I need to be better. I haven't been able to run in almost 2 weeks and that can't be good. I was unable to do my 20 miles and that freaks me out (although I did the 18 miles so it's not like I missed a huge jump in mileage). I still have to get up and stretch regularly while I sit at my desk and work or I hurt otherwise.

This is just so frustrating. What if my doctor says I cannot run? Months of training and so many donations only to be told no? But then I don't want to totally ruin my back. I can train for another marathon when I heal but it would be worse to run and do permanent damage. So tomorrow's doctor visit scares me. I want to cry.

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