Friday, May 09, 2008

Aches...

The weather change has giving me a terrible headache for the past two days. It still lingers this morning but isn't blinding. I hope there isn't one tomorrow because I don't want to have my first Team in Training group run with a headache.

Speaking of which, the TNT group runs on Saturday start at 7am along the lakefront. This means it will be cold. Cold and lovely. The path along the lakefront is really pretty in the morning. I wonder how busy it will be. I still think I look ridiculous running, I feel silly anyway. Especially when I wear my running tights because those things are tight! I have two pair with skirts so I feel less conspicuous in them. I know I don't look as bad as I think I do but I still get nervous because I don't think I look how a runner should look. I just have to keep telling myself that at least I'm out there and trying.

I am looking forward to Saturday even though I usually don't care for group things like that. I may like it now. I really think I am getting the better end of the TNT deal. I just have to raise $3000. TNT does so much more! They have the weekly training sessions plus some clinics afterwards. They set you up with mentors and coaches. They have pasta dinners the night before the race. They even fly you out and pay for your room for out-of-state races. They cheer you on at each race. I mean really! I raise money for a great cause and get all that in return!

The difficult thing for me has been hearing and reading about the cancer patients. My grandma died of cancer in 1991 right before my 21st birthday and I still think of her every day. Hearing and reading about the honored teammates brings it all back. I remember the Sunday morning I got the phone call. I knew why the phone was ringing and I couldn't answer it. I got up, got ready for work and drove in. My manager Fred met me at the door and told me I needed to call my mom. I knew why and I just started to cry. Fred took me into his office to make the call and told me to take the day off. I don't remember much of the rest of the day. I know I drove down to my grandma's house later that day. Everything was such a blur. I don't remember Christmas day. I don't remember my birthday. I do remember the day after my birthday because that is the day she was buried. My place of employment at the time was right by the cemetery and I would go there before work and afterwards just to visit her. If the tips were good that day I would bring flowers.

It still hurts. I miss my grandma. I miss visiting her in her antique store. I miss hanging out with her at her home. She was always so proud of my sister and me. She kept our photos on the wall behind her cash register and introduced me to everyone who came into the shop. She kept trying to make a match between me and the son of a friend of hers. I miss her smell of cigarette smoke and Nestea and nail polish and some perfume I've never known the name of. I miss her showing me her dolls and teddy bears. I miss that I wasn't there that morning.

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